This is the talk Monte gave at the Funeral
The Legacy of Chris Carver
Chris was born with beautiful dark hair on March 30, 1946 in Nyssa Oregon in a home, which was no more than a tar paper shack, to Alice Walker and Phillip Kirchgestner, both of whom have passed on. She had three brothers (Howard, Gerry, and Vernon), and three sisters (Doris, Wanda, and Vera), all of which survive her.
Mother moved a lot in her childhood years mostly around the Northwest. At four years old, the family was struck with tragedy, when her two year old sister, Wilma LaRae, drowned in a well. That same year, Marian, who passed several years ago, was born. In 1951, a year later, the children's mom died while giving birth to Merrill, who did not survive either.
After her older siblings Doris and Wanda married, there was no one to care for her and the other children. So they were each shuffled to various homes. During this time she over heard a family not liking her there, so she slipped out the front door. Her favorite memories of this period are the times she spent with her sister's Doris and Wanda.
Before Mom was fourteen, she contracted chicken pox, whooping cough, hepatitis, and typhoid fever, and was quarantined during these times. When she was only thirteen, she passed for eighteen to work at a cannery to earn a little money for school clothes. She graduated from Milton Freewater High School in 1965.
While in high school, mom recalls that she struggled with her identity. Even though she had friends, she felt "out of place". Thinking that a boyfriend would correct her self esteem, she flirted with a junior, which resulted in a date to homecoming. The date flopped without the results she had envisioned.
At this point in Chris's life she related with Aldonza in the story of Don Quixote, which is evident from finding the ballad Dulcinea in her personal effects. You recall that Aldonza was a barmaid and considered herself a simple peasant without the remotest hope of becoming a lady. Then in 1961, Chris met her Don Quixote in the embodiment of Robert Carver. In Mom's own words, "I fell for all of Robert's lines..."
Lucretia
I have dreamed thee too long,
Never seen thee or touched thee.
But known thee with all of my heart.
Half a prayer, half a song,
Thou hast always been with me,
Though we have been always apart.
Lucretia... Lucretia...
I see heaven when I see thee, Lucretia,
And thy name is like a prayer
An angel whispers... Lucretia... Lucretia!
If I reach out to thee,
Do not tremble and shrink
From the touch of my hand on thy hair.
Let my fingers but see
Thou art warm and alive,
And no phantom to fade in the air.
Lucretia... Lucretia...
I have sought thee, sung thee,
Dreamed thee, Lucretia!
Now I've found thee,
And the world shall know thy glory,
Lucretia... Lucretia!
Two years later mom and dad where married on November 1st, 1963 in Lewiston, Idaho, and where later sealed in the Logan Temple on December 20th, 1968.
Dad immediately set about helping Lucretia in her progress to becoming the Dulcinea he saw within her. Do not forget however that their lives a Dulcinea in each of us. Lucretia had the same task before her, but that is a MUCH longer and arduous story!
They lived in several places throughout the Columbia Basin, eventually settling in Kennewick Washington. She worked at Sandvik Special Metals and later worked with dad in their Allstate Insurance business for 20 years until retiring in 2004.
My Dad's Dulcinea exemplifies four personality traits, which I will refer to as a Lion, a Beaver, an Otter, and a Labrador (or rather a dutchess.) We each can place ourselves in one of the four categories; but our goal in life is to continually strive to become all four, as mom does.
Clearly, a lion is aggressive and assertive. One does not tend to the think of our Lucretia as a lion, because a lion roars and stomps about, which has always been Dads role. Yet one is fully aware that the lioness hunts and raises the cubs. Without Mom the lion would go without. Furthermore, I never recall Mom loosing a fight with Dad. She always wins in her quite determined way. I recall one episode when Dad complained about not having exactly the right spoon. Mom had reached her limit and grabbed a large handful of silverware and threw them on the table with a flourish and exclaimed "pick your own"!.
While beavers build and organize there dens, Mom builds and organizes our home. Some may refer to Mom as old fashioned, but she is instead "Home Fashioned". She orchestrates the fashioning of the garden every year, she fashions numerous quilts, she is always fashioning various home improvement projects. She constantly hones her culinary skills, evidenced by her renowned Sunday roast dinners, cinnamon rolls and everything in between. It was a shock to me after getting married that all dinners are not served as a full course meal, which mom usually accomplishes even with left overs. Another revelation to me was was that homes are not naturally in order, something that mom seems to pull off effortlessly. While in high school and struggling with an english essay, she gave me counsel that has served me well since. She counseled that writing an essay is much like life, You cannot see the end from the beginning. But as the author, you MUST take a step in your story to see where the next step will fall.
Otters tend to find joy in all they do. Mom is always quick to pull out some marbles and beat a grandchild at Chinese checkers. As a child, my favorite game was "hide the thimble". It gives my heart great joy to watch her play that same game with her grandchildren. Seven days before Mom passed, my seven year old daughter sat at her side, holding her hand. Recognizing the great opportunity to goose McKenna, mom popped her eyes open and said, "BOO" which scared the daylights out of little Kenna. As the life of the party, mom's smile is the one we anticipate at every family function. Though to some, mom's antics are childish, she recognizes the joy in simply being and laughing together. Mom relishes besting Dad at fishing and is quick to brag of this feat. Above all, mom finds joy in making others happy.
Every Dutchess searches out those who need love. Our Lucretia exhibits her selflessness in the very act of having seven children. This is after the fact, mind you, when birth control was readily available. As her children grew up she would often take food off her plate when ours was empty. Many of you experienced her selflessness as she shows up unannounced in your times of infirmity or despair. I recall several times in my own home when Kelly was extremely sick. Another time her heart went out to Patty and cleaned their entire house. Patty had been away for several days and was due back and Shawn had let the place turn into a disaster. Lucretia is consummate in her acts of service. Outside of family, this is easily evident by her service within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints from the various callings throughout her live, which were each shouldered with great humility. This service of course was motivated by her love for the Gospel and our Saviour. A few years ago, when mom's ward was being reorganized, Dad was convinced she had progressed to the point of being asked to serve as the Relief Society President. One day while rummaging through her cupboards muttering about how can she serve as president when she can't even find a can of "Cream of Chicken Soup". A few moments later she laid her hand on her next and favorite calling.
This is our Lucretia, the classic example of a queen, a real "class act". Growing up we never heard mom swear... (well rarely). One rarely finds her dressed in something frumpy. Just two weeks ago, I popped in unannounced to find her fully dressed in a nice blouse and slacks, yet so sick she had not the strength to leave the bedroom. Nor could she keep anything down. I do not recall mom ever participating in gossip for she epitomizes the quote made famous by Thumper in Bambi "If you can't say somethin nice, then don't say nothin at all".
My Junior year of high school, I left home to that last great frontier, Alaska. I vividly recall Mom crying as we parted at the airplane gate, which at the time I did not understand. It was a necessary progression in my development, and I would return in the fall. Mom cried for each of us as we left the nest, as all moms do. Some tears were in joy, others in sadness, depending on the child! Now our Lucretia... our companion, our mother, our grandmother, our sister, our friend has left to thee very last frontier, her heavenly home. Twenty-seven years later from when I stood on the tarmac, I understand much better now the tears mother shed and the ache I left in her heart. It is now our choice to cry for joy or sadness, but we will cry! Though we may not understand why her progression was necessary at this time, our Heavenly Father does. Mom's last wish was for us to live our lives in the reflection of our Saviour so that we can each join her in the fall.
Lucretia departed on her journey on Monday, August 18th, 2008 at home in the arms of her Don Quixote, with loved ones by her side.
Mom left at the gate her Husband and eternal companion Robert Carver, her children and their spouses Monte (Kelly) Carver, Shawn (Patty) Carver, Kimberly (Jeff) Wiberg, Steven (Camilla) Carver, Sherri (Darin) Frederiksen, Kent Carver, and Melanie (Chris) Cain and her 19 grandchildren.
Kelsie and I leave you with the "Legacy of Lucretia Carver", which when translated means our very own "sweet heart".
