This is the talk Monte gave at the Funeral

The Legacy of Chris Carver

Our companion, mother, grandmother, sister, and friend, Lucretia Kirchgestner entered this life in very humble circumstances.

Chris was born with beautiful dark hair on March 30, 1946 in Nyssa Oregon in a home, which was no more than a tar paper shack, to Alice Walker and Phillip Kirchgestner, both of whom have passed on. She had three brothers (Howard, Gerry, and Vernon), and three sisters (Doris, Wanda, and Vera), all of which survive her.

Mother moved a lot in her childhood years mostly around the Northwest. At four years old, the family was struck with tragedy, when her two year old sister, Wilma LaRae, drowned in a well. That same year, Marian, who passed several years ago, was born. In 1951, a year later, the children's mom died while giving birth to Merrill, who did not survive either.

After her older siblings Doris and Wanda married, there was no one to care for her and the other children. So they were each shuffled to various homes. During this time she over heard a family not liking her there, so she slipped out the front door. Her favorite memories of this period are the times she spent with her sister's Doris and Wanda.

Before Mom was fourteen, she contracted chicken pox, whooping cough, hepatitis, and typhoid fever, and was quarantined during these times. When she was only thirteen, she passed for eighteen to work at a cannery to earn a little money for school clothes. She graduated from Milton Freewater High School in 1965.

While in high school, mom recalls that she struggled with her identity. Even though she had friends, she felt "out of place". Thinking that a boyfriend would correct her self esteem, she flirted with a junior, which resulted in a date to homecoming. The date flopped without the results she had envisioned.

At this point in Chris's life she related with Aldonza in the story of Don Quixote, which is evident from finding the ballad Dulcinea in her personal effects. You recall that Aldonza was a barmaid and considered herself a simple peasant without the remotest hope of becoming a lady. Then in 1961, Chris met her Don Quixote in the embodiment of Robert Carver. In Mom's own words, "I fell for all of Robert's lines..."

Lucretia

I have dreamed thee too long,
Never seen thee or touched thee.
But known thee with all of my heart.
Half a prayer, half a song,
Thou hast always been with me,
Though we have been always apart.

Lucretia... Lucretia...
I see heaven when I see thee, Lucretia,
And thy name is like a prayer
An angel whispers... Lucretia... Lucretia!

If I reach out to thee,
Do not tremble and shrink
From the touch of my hand on thy hair.
Let my fingers but see
Thou art warm and alive,
And no phantom to fade in the air.

Lucretia... Lucretia...
I have sought thee, sung thee,
Dreamed thee, Lucretia!

Now I've found thee,
And the world shall know thy glory,

Lucretia... Lucretia!

Two years later mom and dad where married on November 1st, 1963 in Lewiston, Idaho, and where later sealed in the Logan Temple on December 20th, 1968.

Dad immediately set about helping Lucretia in her progress to becoming the Dulcinea he saw within her. Do not forget however that their lives a Dulcinea in each of us. Lucretia had the same task before her, but that is a MUCH longer and arduous story!

They lived in several places throughout the Columbia Basin, eventually settling in Kennewick Washington. She worked at Sandvik Special Metals and later worked with dad in their Allstate Insurance business for 20 years until retiring in 2004.

My Dad's Dulcinea exemplifies four personality traits, which I will refer to as a Lion, a Beaver, an Otter, and a Labrador (or rather a dutchess.) We each can place ourselves in one of the four categories; but our goal in life is to continually strive to become all four, as mom does.

Clearly, a lion is aggressive and assertive. One does not tend to the think of our Lucretia as a lion, because a lion roars and stomps about, which has always been Dads role. Yet one is fully aware that the lioness hunts and raises the cubs. Without Mom the lion would go without. Furthermore, I never recall Mom loosing a fight with Dad. She always wins in her quite determined way. I recall one episode when Dad complained about not having exactly the right spoon. Mom had reached her limit and grabbed a large handful of silverware and threw them on the table with a flourish and exclaimed "pick your own"!.

While beavers build and organize there dens, Mom builds and organizes our home. Some may refer to Mom as old fashioned, but she is instead "Home Fashioned". She orchestrates the fashioning of the garden every year, she fashions numerous quilts, she is always fashioning various home improvement projects. She constantly hones her culinary skills, evidenced by her renowned Sunday roast dinners, cinnamon rolls and everything in between. It was a shock to me after getting married that all dinners are not served as a full course meal, which mom usually accomplishes even with left overs. Another revelation to me was was that homes are not naturally in order, something that mom seems to pull off effortlessly. While in high school and struggling with an english essay, she gave me counsel that has served me well since. She counseled that writing an essay is much like life, You cannot see the end from the beginning. But as the author, you MUST take a step in your story to see where the next step will fall.

Otters tend to find joy in all they do. Mom is always quick to pull out some marbles and beat a grandchild at Chinese checkers. As a child, my favorite game was "hide the thimble". It gives my heart great joy to watch her play that same game with her grandchildren. Seven days before Mom passed, my seven year old daughter sat at her side, holding her hand. Recognizing the great opportunity to goose McKenna, mom popped her eyes open and said, "BOO" which scared the daylights out of little Kenna. As the life of the party, mom's smile is the one we anticipate at every family function. Though to some, mom's antics are childish, she recognizes the joy in simply being and laughing together. Mom relishes besting Dad at fishing and is quick to brag of this feat. Above all, mom finds joy in making others happy.

Every Dutchess searches out those who need love. Our Lucretia exhibits her selflessness in the very act of having seven children. This is after the fact, mind you, when birth control was readily available. As her children grew up she would often take food off her plate when ours was empty. Many of you experienced her selflessness as she shows up unannounced in your times of infirmity or despair. I recall several times in my own home when Kelly was extremely sick. Another time her heart went out to Patty and cleaned their entire house. Patty had been away for several days and was due back and Shawn had let the place turn into a disaster. Lucretia is consummate in her acts of service. Outside of family, this is easily evident by her service within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints from the various callings throughout her live, which were each shouldered with great humility. This service of course was motivated by her love for the Gospel and our Saviour. A few years ago, when mom's ward was being reorganized, Dad was convinced she had progressed to the point of being asked to serve as the Relief Society President. One day while rummaging through her cupboards muttering about how can she serve as president when she can't even find a can of "Cream of Chicken Soup". A few moments later she laid her hand on her next and favorite calling.

This is our Lucretia, the classic example of a queen, a real "class act". Growing up we never heard mom swear... (well rarely). One rarely finds her dressed in something frumpy. Just two weeks ago, I popped in unannounced to find her fully dressed in a nice blouse and slacks, yet so sick she had not the strength to leave the bedroom. Nor could she keep anything down. I do not recall mom ever participating in gossip for she epitomizes the quote made famous by Thumper in Bambi "If you can't say somethin nice, then don't say nothin at all".

My Junior year of high school, I left home to that last great frontier, Alaska. I vividly recall Mom crying as we parted at the airplane gate, which at the time I did not understand. It was a necessary progression in my development, and I would return in the fall. Mom cried for each of us as we left the nest, as all moms do. Some tears were in joy, others in sadness, depending on the child! Now our Lucretia... our companion, our mother, our grandmother, our sister, our friend has left to thee very last frontier, her heavenly home. Twenty-seven years later from when I stood on the tarmac, I understand much better now the tears mother shed and the ache I left in her heart. It is now our choice to cry for joy or sadness, but we will cry! Though we may not understand why her progression was necessary at this time, our Heavenly Father does. Mom's last wish was for us to live our lives in the reflection of our Saviour so that we can each join her in the fall.

Lucretia departed on her journey on Monday, August 18th, 2008 at home in the arms of her Don Quixote, with loved ones by her side.

Mom left at the gate her Husband and eternal companion Robert Carver, her children and their spouses Monte (Kelly) Carver, Shawn (Patty) Carver, Kimberly (Jeff) Wiberg, Steven (Camilla) Carver, Sherri (Darin) Frederiksen, Kent Carver, and Melanie (Chris) Cain and her 19 grandchildren.

Kelsie and I leave you with the "Legacy of Lucretia Carver", which when translated means our very own "sweet heart".

Lucretia (Chris) Kirchgestner Carver was born March 30th 1946 in Nyssa Oregon, a beautiful dark haired daughter to Alice Isabell Walker and Phillip Valentine Kirchgestner. She moved a lot in her childhood years mostly around the Northwest. She graduated from Milton Freewater (Ore.) High School in 1965.
On November 1st 1963 she married Robert Orlo Carver. They were later sealed in the Logan Temple on December 20th, 1968. They lived in several places throughout the Columbia Basin, eventually settling in Kennewick Washington. She worked as a secretary at Sandvik Special Metals and later went to work with her husband at Allstate Insurance. They worked together for 20 years as Agents, making a great team and retiring in 2004.
Chris enjoyed many hobbies; she was famous for her cooking, baking and quilting. She especially enjoyed fishing with her husband, where she often out fished him! She was a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, where she fulfilled many ward and stake callings. In particular she loved her more recent calling as Relief Society President, and was privileged to serve with her husband as a temple ordinance worker in The Columbia River Temple.
Chris found joy in serving others and was known for her sweet spirit and loving personality. She was a devoted wife, mother, grandmother; and a friend loved by all who knew her. She was a class act in everything she did. Chris passed away Monday, August 18th, 2008 at home in the arms of her husband, with loved ones by her side. She was diagnosed in November 2007 of an unknown primary cancer.

Chris is survived by her Husband, Robert Carver of Kennewick Wa, and her children and their spouses Monte (Kelly) Carver, Shawn (Patty) Carver, Kimberly (Jeff) Wiberg, Steven (Camilla) Carver, Sherri (Darin) Frederiksen, Kent Carver, and Melanie (Chris) Cain and 19 grandchildren
Also surviving are her three sisters; Doris Hansen, Wanda Coffey, Vera Collins, and three brothers; Jerry, Howard, and Vernon Kirchgestner.
She is preceded in death by her parents, Alice and Phillip Kirchgestner, younger sisters Marian Willis and baby brother and sister, Merrill Glenn and Wilma LaRae Kirchgestner.

Memorial Services for Lucretia Carver will be celebrated Saturday August 23rd at 11 a.m. at the LDS church, 4445 S. Olympia, Kennewick WA (located on corner of 45th and Olympia St.) Burial will be at River View Heights at 10th and Olympia immediately following service. Chris requested a dinner be served at the church for all who wish to attend, following the graveside service.
Public viewings will be held Thursday the 21st from 5-8 p.m. at Hillcrest Memorial Center (9353 W. Clearwater Ave) and Friday the 22nd, 5-8p.m at The LDS Chapel at 4445 S. Olympia St. in Kennewick.
In lieu of flowers, please make contributions to Blue Mountain Council Boy Scouts of America by calling 509-735-7306.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.Proverbs 31:28

Mom passed tonight at 10:45 pm. She fought so hard bless her heart. Dad kept saying she had the heart the size of a watermelon because she wouldn't let go. She is so beautiful tonight. Dad had gone to bed and Kim and I were sitting with her watching her breathe. She would have shallow breaths and then long deep breaths. When Sherri got off the phone and came out we sat with her for a minute and then went and woke dad up. Dad came and held her hand and told her to let go and we gathered around her and she passed. She waited for him!

Very Close

Mom has been sleeping since yesterday around 3:00pm or so. She slept peacefully through the night and her respiration's have been uneven starting around 13 breaths a minute last night and this morning as of now 7:30 am she is down to 8 a minute. Her breathing has decreased 1-2 breaths per minute per hour as we have been timing. It won't be long.

She is still going!

All I have to say is that my mom is one little trooper. I can't believe that she is so strong. She doesn't give up easy that is for sure. She has had severe restlessness and anxiety. She woke up several times last night wanting up. She puts her hands out and asks,"Up, Up!" She is getting ready to pass because she is still trying to get up and go. That is one of the signs that things are getting closer. We have increased her dosage of morphine by quite a bit and have been trying to get her to relax and be sedated so she isn't scared. My husband and dad gave her a blessing this morning she slept for a while after. She was just up again recently, we drained her (225 ml) and then she went potty in the commode by the bed. The on call hospice nurse came today and visited with us. Moms blood pressure is still strong 126 over 70 or 80 something (still pretty strong). Her respiration's are around 20 per minute which is still pretty stable. They are expected to get higher in numbers and more shallow, then drop down a bit before passing. The nurse says she has the strength do go a few more days if she wanted to. Last night she kept asking for her purse and was confused about where she was. Hopefully we can get her agitation under control. Dad and I promised her she would pass peacefully and would not be scared about not being able to breath. Please pray that she may be allowed to pass peacefully and to be free of anxiety.

Saturday Update

Mom is still going this morning. She is like the energizer bunny, she keeps going and going. She had a rough start this morning with a little vomiting. Sherri was able to get her to the bathroom and in the shower for the first time in a while. She was too weak to help herself and it was scary for Sherri trying to do it all herself. Dad was trying to help but if you have ever seen our bathroom you would understand that it is too small even for one person to maneuver around in. Kent and his girlfriend Jessica who is a nurse at KGH, stayed with her last night. She sat up and ate some watermelon and a few bites of yogurt after her bath and is resting now. Boy am I thankful for summertime watermelon, mom would be sad without it.

Pictures from the week

Pictures from this week that I have mentioned through the blogs are on my blog. I didn't want to post things 2x's. Go here for pictures http://mrscainsworld.blogspot.com

Really Close

The hospice nurse came out this morning to take moms vitals. She has had a dropped in blood pressure. It has been about 160-180 over 100 or so and it dropped to 118/78. She has been pretty restless and has been out of it since yesterday morning. She will talk a little bit but it is usually half mumbled and short 1-3 word comments. She has been fidgeting and wants to sit up then lay down and back and forth. She got up around 5 this morning wanting to use the potty. Kim, Sherri, Dad and I were all at the house. Kim was out in the front room on the couch and she helped her get to the commode. When she got back in bed she had a hard time breathing so we gave her more morphine and the rest of her usual morning meds. She has been resting. We have all been thinking that she would pass this weekend sometime. She told us earlier in the week that she wanted to make it to Saturday. (To make it more convenient for us, which is totally mom). Our Aunt Christy (dads sis) will be here Monday and moms sister Wanda has been on vacation so she says.... I don't want to mess up every ones plans. Ha Ha, mom is always worried about all of us. She keeps asking what day it is and looking at her watch to check the time. We keep threatening to take it away. That is really all the updates I have for now. We did get all her pictures scanned and into the computer, we converted old slides to digital and Kim burned it to a dvd. We are trying to plan where to have the viewing the night before the funeral because the Hillcrest place we wanted is booked the night before. We can do it earlier in the day that day or Thursday's night. But if we do it Friday night the only place we can do it is in Pasco and I don't want it there. I don't like that part of pasco particularly and Hillcrest is super nice and classy.

"There are things that may change us, but we start and end with family!"

For my soul delighted in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads. D&C 25:12 Last night, our family
sang to mom and it was such a great experience. I knew is was going to be hard but I wanted it to be a way for us all to say goodbye that would be comforting to her. I didn't exactly know how to organize things or how it would go but I just let it happen. The grandkids and some of my brothers and sisters took turns holding moms hand and talking to her. She did really well. She knew everyone was coming and was able to sit up and see everyone and had a good sense of humor. Dad started the night by talking about the headstone plans and the funeral and that he expected everyone to have a cleaned shave and hair cuts. We talked about the plans for what type and color of granite and so on. I started the music on the CD player and got the hymns going. We gathered around her bed, some on the couch and in chairs and others on the floor and started to sing. We sang, "Love at Home, I know my Savior Lives, Home Can Be a Heaven on Earth, Families Can Be Together Forever, I Need Thee Every Hour. I had everyone stand up and we ended with God Be With You Till We Meet Again."

God be with you till we meet again; By his counsels guide, uphold you; With his sheep securely fold you. God be with you till we meet again. God be with you till we meet again; When life’s perils thick confound you, Put his arms unfailing round you. God be with you till we meet again. God be with you till we meet again; Keep love’s banner floating o’er you; Smite death’s threat’ning wave before you. God be with you till we meet again. Till we meet, till we meet, Till we meet at Jesus’ feet. … God be with you till we meet again

She cried when we sang the last song and of course we all choked through it.... Dad had some words of advice for us all. He talked about remembering the feeling we all had as we sang and came together as a family. He talked about moms great example and for her love for all of us. When we have trials and are faced with temptations to remember who we are and that forever families are based on our actions as individuals. WE are responsible for our own salvation and my mom has been a righteous example to our family. He asked her if she would like to add anything and she said, "I just love you all so much!" Afterwards we all kneeled together in family prayer. It was am amazing experience, very spiritual and comforting to her and for all of us as well. Later when I took her to the bathroom she told me she was thankful for the spirit that was here and how much she appreciated us kids. Today she called her sister Doris to say goodbye and she told her, " I was surprised at how good they sang, it was very nice."

The update from the nurse is still the same, any day, its up to God and Mom from here. She has all of the things she wants and is worried about done. Her skin is blotchy off and on and she has sweating and hot flash spells. We are draining 225-250 ml about every 10-12 hours and it has quite a bit of blood in it, dark like cranberry juice which means there is more blood. Cancer and tumors make their own blood supply so it secrete fluid each time you drain. Her fluid output is decreasing each day, which is a sign her kidneys are shutting down. She did eat a lot in the last 24 hours. She keeps craving things. She had watermelon, vanilla pudding, eggs and milk in the last 24 hours. She continues to have a good attitude, a little humor and showing off her popular$100 smile.

Slipping Away

Moms time is getting close. We are having the family out tonight at 7:00 and we are going to try to sing a few of her favorite hymns to her so she can have some reverent time with her loved ones.It is going to be hard and most of us will break down but I think it will be a very spiritual experience and something that will help her let go. It has been hard to see her go down hill so fast. Each day is more trying for her, her body gets weaker and weaker. She has had a very fun loving personality and has joked a lot this last week. She has been breathing pretty good but is having a hard time concentrating and hardly talking. She has been sleeping 80% of the time and is pretty out of it when she awake. She has been wanting to write letters to all her kids and grand kids. I typed the ones she wrote to her kids and she signed them because she was too tired to rewrite them. (This was a few weeks back). She keeps asking about her letters to the grandchildren because she never did get them written. I found a poem today that I really liked and dad suggested that we type it and give it to the grandchildren. I had her sign them and write each of the kids names on top. She had a really hard time. She kept falling asleep between writing love and grandma. Sherri and I took turns helping her move her arm to get the pen in the right spot. She keeps putting off the letter to dad because she wants to be alone and not have him around when she writes it. She got the first line down and got too tired. We will help her finish it later today. We got some really neat up close pictures of her hands so you can see her writing and her wedding ring all shiny.

A while back in my personal scripture reading I found some really cool things and had some great experiences. Proverbs 31:28-29. Her Children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously but thou excellest them all. Psalms 27:14 Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and he will strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord. D&C 101:14,16,29,36-38 And all they who have mourned shall be comforted therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion, for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am god. Wherefore care not for the body neither the life of the body, but care for the soul and for the life of the soul. And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls and ye shall have eternal life. 29) And there shall be no sorrow, because there is no death. D&C 24:8- Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many but endure them for lo, I am with thee even unto the end of thy days.
D&C 58-2-4 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that a keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death ; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven. 3 Ye cannot behold with your natural yes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. 4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.
7.My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; 8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. 9 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

Saturday

Thursday

Sherri and her husband Darin are coming tomorrow to stay with Mom. She is leaving her kids home and her husband will stay until Sunday and then go back home. We have had several Birthdays this week. Shawn's was Sunday, then moms sister Vera, Gracie -(Stevens youngest) today, dads is the 8th, and the oldest grandson Kolby (Monte's) is 20 on the 9th I think.
Mom is getting weaker each day. She spends most of the time resting and doesn't have very much energy to talk. She gets worn out pretty easy. Today she spend most of the time sleeping but was up to the dinner table tonight and was alert for company. No nausea today either! We caught it early and she never did get sick. We are draining her fluid everyday now so she can breath a little easier and not fight it so much. It has been between 250-400 ml each time which is a lot, About 2 liters a week. The hospice nurse doesn't think she will live much longer, maybe a little over a week. It has been quite and emotional roller coaster for all of us. I tend to report on the blog so matter-o-factly because it is too hard to talk about the mushy stuff. All of us kids have tried to spend time with her. It gets hard when you have a family and a job and a life to continue on living. I feel so blessed to be as free as I am and have the ability to spend a lot of time with her. I have been trying to organize all her pictures and get things straightened out so she feels good about leaving her house in order. She had some sisters from the ward come and sing hymns to her today. It was really sweet and I was glad to figure out mom and dads digital camera can video record so I got it on the camera. She really enjoyed it. It was the best part of her day. Last night Brother Macky and Brother Mickelson came to visit and dad the the brethren were able to give mom a blessing. She has good feelings, a good attitude about passing. She has reassured us she is okay to go. Brother Harold Sanders and Bishop Law came to visit mom tonight and gave dad a blessing before they left. I am so thankful for the gospel and the things that it teaches us. It is amazing how much your testimony grows in times like these.

Fish stories

Mom and Dad are back! They got home this morning. Mom had a rough start today and has been sleeping most of the time. She used all her energy over the last 2 days catching fish! She caught the first fish and the biggest! She and Debbie spent most of the day (Monday) inside. Mom slept most and they were able to watch a movie while the boys were out fishing. Around 5:30pm or so they headed down to the Lake. Dad put mom in the boat before they put it in the lake so she wouldn't have to try and get in once it was in the water. They fished a couple hours and headed in around 8:00. Hospice nurse Peggy came out this afternoon. We gave mom a breathing treatment to help her lungs. She is having trouble getting enough air in her lungs today. She is using her oxygen which seems to help her out a little. We asked the nurse to switch her morphine med to a less potent dose. It is a 12 hour release but seems to push out too much for moms little body. The nurse comes back tomorrow and will bring more meds. (Dad sent her home with fish from the lake and veggies from the garden.... we love her!) Moms nausea is better and she is still eating good. She had a peach with cottage cheese and a piece of cheese toast for lunch.

Some friends of Mom and Dads have a cabin up by Lake Jubilee (by Tollgate) and told Dad the other day to feel free and use it any time. Dad has been on mom about eating good so she can have enough energy to go fishing, kind of wishful thinking I thought. With her turn around last week and a little pushing from dad, I guess Sunday night they decided to go. I haven't heard from dad today so I don't know if they actually fished or not but they left last night to head up there. They invited long time friends Larry and Debbie Zunker to go along as well. Hopefully, mom was able to out fish dad one last time. They kind of have a ongoing fish war, she always out fishes him and he is always teasing her. Stay Tuned! More Fish Story updates coming soon.