This is the talk Monte gave at the Funeral

The Legacy of Chris Carver

Our companion, mother, grandmother, sister, and friend, Lucretia Kirchgestner entered this life in very humble circumstances.

Chris was born with beautiful dark hair on March 30, 1946 in Nyssa Oregon in a home, which was no more than a tar paper shack, to Alice Walker and Phillip Kirchgestner, both of whom have passed on. She had three brothers (Howard, Gerry, and Vernon), and three sisters (Doris, Wanda, and Vera), all of which survive her.

Mother moved a lot in her childhood years mostly around the Northwest. At four years old, the family was struck with tragedy, when her two year old sister, Wilma LaRae, drowned in a well. That same year, Marian, who passed several years ago, was born. In 1951, a year later, the children's mom died while giving birth to Merrill, who did not survive either.

After her older siblings Doris and Wanda married, there was no one to care for her and the other children. So they were each shuffled to various homes. During this time she over heard a family not liking her there, so she slipped out the front door. Her favorite memories of this period are the times she spent with her sister's Doris and Wanda.

Before Mom was fourteen, she contracted chicken pox, whooping cough, hepatitis, and typhoid fever, and was quarantined during these times. When she was only thirteen, she passed for eighteen to work at a cannery to earn a little money for school clothes. She graduated from Milton Freewater High School in 1965.

While in high school, mom recalls that she struggled with her identity. Even though she had friends, she felt "out of place". Thinking that a boyfriend would correct her self esteem, she flirted with a junior, which resulted in a date to homecoming. The date flopped without the results she had envisioned.

At this point in Chris's life she related with Aldonza in the story of Don Quixote, which is evident from finding the ballad Dulcinea in her personal effects. You recall that Aldonza was a barmaid and considered herself a simple peasant without the remotest hope of becoming a lady. Then in 1961, Chris met her Don Quixote in the embodiment of Robert Carver. In Mom's own words, "I fell for all of Robert's lines..."

Lucretia

I have dreamed thee too long,
Never seen thee or touched thee.
But known thee with all of my heart.
Half a prayer, half a song,
Thou hast always been with me,
Though we have been always apart.

Lucretia... Lucretia...
I see heaven when I see thee, Lucretia,
And thy name is like a prayer
An angel whispers... Lucretia... Lucretia!

If I reach out to thee,
Do not tremble and shrink
From the touch of my hand on thy hair.
Let my fingers but see
Thou art warm and alive,
And no phantom to fade in the air.

Lucretia... Lucretia...
I have sought thee, sung thee,
Dreamed thee, Lucretia!

Now I've found thee,
And the world shall know thy glory,

Lucretia... Lucretia!

Two years later mom and dad where married on November 1st, 1963 in Lewiston, Idaho, and where later sealed in the Logan Temple on December 20th, 1968.

Dad immediately set about helping Lucretia in her progress to becoming the Dulcinea he saw within her. Do not forget however that their lives a Dulcinea in each of us. Lucretia had the same task before her, but that is a MUCH longer and arduous story!

They lived in several places throughout the Columbia Basin, eventually settling in Kennewick Washington. She worked at Sandvik Special Metals and later worked with dad in their Allstate Insurance business for 20 years until retiring in 2004.

My Dad's Dulcinea exemplifies four personality traits, which I will refer to as a Lion, a Beaver, an Otter, and a Labrador (or rather a dutchess.) We each can place ourselves in one of the four categories; but our goal in life is to continually strive to become all four, as mom does.

Clearly, a lion is aggressive and assertive. One does not tend to the think of our Lucretia as a lion, because a lion roars and stomps about, which has always been Dads role. Yet one is fully aware that the lioness hunts and raises the cubs. Without Mom the lion would go without. Furthermore, I never recall Mom loosing a fight with Dad. She always wins in her quite determined way. I recall one episode when Dad complained about not having exactly the right spoon. Mom had reached her limit and grabbed a large handful of silverware and threw them on the table with a flourish and exclaimed "pick your own"!.

While beavers build and organize there dens, Mom builds and organizes our home. Some may refer to Mom as old fashioned, but she is instead "Home Fashioned". She orchestrates the fashioning of the garden every year, she fashions numerous quilts, she is always fashioning various home improvement projects. She constantly hones her culinary skills, evidenced by her renowned Sunday roast dinners, cinnamon rolls and everything in between. It was a shock to me after getting married that all dinners are not served as a full course meal, which mom usually accomplishes even with left overs. Another revelation to me was was that homes are not naturally in order, something that mom seems to pull off effortlessly. While in high school and struggling with an english essay, she gave me counsel that has served me well since. She counseled that writing an essay is much like life, You cannot see the end from the beginning. But as the author, you MUST take a step in your story to see where the next step will fall.

Otters tend to find joy in all they do. Mom is always quick to pull out some marbles and beat a grandchild at Chinese checkers. As a child, my favorite game was "hide the thimble". It gives my heart great joy to watch her play that same game with her grandchildren. Seven days before Mom passed, my seven year old daughter sat at her side, holding her hand. Recognizing the great opportunity to goose McKenna, mom popped her eyes open and said, "BOO" which scared the daylights out of little Kenna. As the life of the party, mom's smile is the one we anticipate at every family function. Though to some, mom's antics are childish, she recognizes the joy in simply being and laughing together. Mom relishes besting Dad at fishing and is quick to brag of this feat. Above all, mom finds joy in making others happy.

Every Dutchess searches out those who need love. Our Lucretia exhibits her selflessness in the very act of having seven children. This is after the fact, mind you, when birth control was readily available. As her children grew up she would often take food off her plate when ours was empty. Many of you experienced her selflessness as she shows up unannounced in your times of infirmity or despair. I recall several times in my own home when Kelly was extremely sick. Another time her heart went out to Patty and cleaned their entire house. Patty had been away for several days and was due back and Shawn had let the place turn into a disaster. Lucretia is consummate in her acts of service. Outside of family, this is easily evident by her service within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints from the various callings throughout her live, which were each shouldered with great humility. This service of course was motivated by her love for the Gospel and our Saviour. A few years ago, when mom's ward was being reorganized, Dad was convinced she had progressed to the point of being asked to serve as the Relief Society President. One day while rummaging through her cupboards muttering about how can she serve as president when she can't even find a can of "Cream of Chicken Soup". A few moments later she laid her hand on her next and favorite calling.

This is our Lucretia, the classic example of a queen, a real "class act". Growing up we never heard mom swear... (well rarely). One rarely finds her dressed in something frumpy. Just two weeks ago, I popped in unannounced to find her fully dressed in a nice blouse and slacks, yet so sick she had not the strength to leave the bedroom. Nor could she keep anything down. I do not recall mom ever participating in gossip for she epitomizes the quote made famous by Thumper in Bambi "If you can't say somethin nice, then don't say nothin at all".

My Junior year of high school, I left home to that last great frontier, Alaska. I vividly recall Mom crying as we parted at the airplane gate, which at the time I did not understand. It was a necessary progression in my development, and I would return in the fall. Mom cried for each of us as we left the nest, as all moms do. Some tears were in joy, others in sadness, depending on the child! Now our Lucretia... our companion, our mother, our grandmother, our sister, our friend has left to thee very last frontier, her heavenly home. Twenty-seven years later from when I stood on the tarmac, I understand much better now the tears mother shed and the ache I left in her heart. It is now our choice to cry for joy or sadness, but we will cry! Though we may not understand why her progression was necessary at this time, our Heavenly Father does. Mom's last wish was for us to live our lives in the reflection of our Saviour so that we can each join her in the fall.

Lucretia departed on her journey on Monday, August 18th, 2008 at home in the arms of her Don Quixote, with loved ones by her side.

Mom left at the gate her Husband and eternal companion Robert Carver, her children and their spouses Monte (Kelly) Carver, Shawn (Patty) Carver, Kimberly (Jeff) Wiberg, Steven (Camilla) Carver, Sherri (Darin) Frederiksen, Kent Carver, and Melanie (Chris) Cain and her 19 grandchildren.

Kelsie and I leave you with the "Legacy of Lucretia Carver", which when translated means our very own "sweet heart".

Lucretia (Chris) Kirchgestner Carver was born March 30th 1946 in Nyssa Oregon, a beautiful dark haired daughter to Alice Isabell Walker and Phillip Valentine Kirchgestner. She moved a lot in her childhood years mostly around the Northwest. She graduated from Milton Freewater (Ore.) High School in 1965.
On November 1st 1963 she married Robert Orlo Carver. They were later sealed in the Logan Temple on December 20th, 1968. They lived in several places throughout the Columbia Basin, eventually settling in Kennewick Washington. She worked as a secretary at Sandvik Special Metals and later went to work with her husband at Allstate Insurance. They worked together for 20 years as Agents, making a great team and retiring in 2004.
Chris enjoyed many hobbies; she was famous for her cooking, baking and quilting. She especially enjoyed fishing with her husband, where she often out fished him! She was a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, where she fulfilled many ward and stake callings. In particular she loved her more recent calling as Relief Society President, and was privileged to serve with her husband as a temple ordinance worker in The Columbia River Temple.
Chris found joy in serving others and was known for her sweet spirit and loving personality. She was a devoted wife, mother, grandmother; and a friend loved by all who knew her. She was a class act in everything she did. Chris passed away Monday, August 18th, 2008 at home in the arms of her husband, with loved ones by her side. She was diagnosed in November 2007 of an unknown primary cancer.

Chris is survived by her Husband, Robert Carver of Kennewick Wa, and her children and their spouses Monte (Kelly) Carver, Shawn (Patty) Carver, Kimberly (Jeff) Wiberg, Steven (Camilla) Carver, Sherri (Darin) Frederiksen, Kent Carver, and Melanie (Chris) Cain and 19 grandchildren
Also surviving are her three sisters; Doris Hansen, Wanda Coffey, Vera Collins, and three brothers; Jerry, Howard, and Vernon Kirchgestner.
She is preceded in death by her parents, Alice and Phillip Kirchgestner, younger sisters Marian Willis and baby brother and sister, Merrill Glenn and Wilma LaRae Kirchgestner.

Memorial Services for Lucretia Carver will be celebrated Saturday August 23rd at 11 a.m. at the LDS church, 4445 S. Olympia, Kennewick WA (located on corner of 45th and Olympia St.) Burial will be at River View Heights at 10th and Olympia immediately following service. Chris requested a dinner be served at the church for all who wish to attend, following the graveside service.
Public viewings will be held Thursday the 21st from 5-8 p.m. at Hillcrest Memorial Center (9353 W. Clearwater Ave) and Friday the 22nd, 5-8p.m at The LDS Chapel at 4445 S. Olympia St. in Kennewick.
In lieu of flowers, please make contributions to Blue Mountain Council Boy Scouts of America by calling 509-735-7306.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.Proverbs 31:28

Mom passed tonight at 10:45 pm. She fought so hard bless her heart. Dad kept saying she had the heart the size of a watermelon because she wouldn't let go. She is so beautiful tonight. Dad had gone to bed and Kim and I were sitting with her watching her breathe. She would have shallow breaths and then long deep breaths. When Sherri got off the phone and came out we sat with her for a minute and then went and woke dad up. Dad came and held her hand and told her to let go and we gathered around her and she passed. She waited for him!

Very Close

Mom has been sleeping since yesterday around 3:00pm or so. She slept peacefully through the night and her respiration's have been uneven starting around 13 breaths a minute last night and this morning as of now 7:30 am she is down to 8 a minute. Her breathing has decreased 1-2 breaths per minute per hour as we have been timing. It won't be long.

She is still going!

All I have to say is that my mom is one little trooper. I can't believe that she is so strong. She doesn't give up easy that is for sure. She has had severe restlessness and anxiety. She woke up several times last night wanting up. She puts her hands out and asks,"Up, Up!" She is getting ready to pass because she is still trying to get up and go. That is one of the signs that things are getting closer. We have increased her dosage of morphine by quite a bit and have been trying to get her to relax and be sedated so she isn't scared. My husband and dad gave her a blessing this morning she slept for a while after. She was just up again recently, we drained her (225 ml) and then she went potty in the commode by the bed. The on call hospice nurse came today and visited with us. Moms blood pressure is still strong 126 over 70 or 80 something (still pretty strong). Her respiration's are around 20 per minute which is still pretty stable. They are expected to get higher in numbers and more shallow, then drop down a bit before passing. The nurse says she has the strength do go a few more days if she wanted to. Last night she kept asking for her purse and was confused about where she was. Hopefully we can get her agitation under control. Dad and I promised her she would pass peacefully and would not be scared about not being able to breath. Please pray that she may be allowed to pass peacefully and to be free of anxiety.

Saturday Update

Mom is still going this morning. She is like the energizer bunny, she keeps going and going. She had a rough start this morning with a little vomiting. Sherri was able to get her to the bathroom and in the shower for the first time in a while. She was too weak to help herself and it was scary for Sherri trying to do it all herself. Dad was trying to help but if you have ever seen our bathroom you would understand that it is too small even for one person to maneuver around in. Kent and his girlfriend Jessica who is a nurse at KGH, stayed with her last night. She sat up and ate some watermelon and a few bites of yogurt after her bath and is resting now. Boy am I thankful for summertime watermelon, mom would be sad without it.

Pictures from the week

Pictures from this week that I have mentioned through the blogs are on my blog. I didn't want to post things 2x's. Go here for pictures http://mrscainsworld.blogspot.com

Really Close

The hospice nurse came out this morning to take moms vitals. She has had a dropped in blood pressure. It has been about 160-180 over 100 or so and it dropped to 118/78. She has been pretty restless and has been out of it since yesterday morning. She will talk a little bit but it is usually half mumbled and short 1-3 word comments. She has been fidgeting and wants to sit up then lay down and back and forth. She got up around 5 this morning wanting to use the potty. Kim, Sherri, Dad and I were all at the house. Kim was out in the front room on the couch and she helped her get to the commode. When she got back in bed she had a hard time breathing so we gave her more morphine and the rest of her usual morning meds. She has been resting. We have all been thinking that she would pass this weekend sometime. She told us earlier in the week that she wanted to make it to Saturday. (To make it more convenient for us, which is totally mom). Our Aunt Christy (dads sis) will be here Monday and moms sister Wanda has been on vacation so she says.... I don't want to mess up every ones plans. Ha Ha, mom is always worried about all of us. She keeps asking what day it is and looking at her watch to check the time. We keep threatening to take it away. That is really all the updates I have for now. We did get all her pictures scanned and into the computer, we converted old slides to digital and Kim burned it to a dvd. We are trying to plan where to have the viewing the night before the funeral because the Hillcrest place we wanted is booked the night before. We can do it earlier in the day that day or Thursday's night. But if we do it Friday night the only place we can do it is in Pasco and I don't want it there. I don't like that part of pasco particularly and Hillcrest is super nice and classy.

"There are things that may change us, but we start and end with family!"

For my soul delighted in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads. D&C 25:12 Last night, our family
sang to mom and it was such a great experience. I knew is was going to be hard but I wanted it to be a way for us all to say goodbye that would be comforting to her. I didn't exactly know how to organize things or how it would go but I just let it happen. The grandkids and some of my brothers and sisters took turns holding moms hand and talking to her. She did really well. She knew everyone was coming and was able to sit up and see everyone and had a good sense of humor. Dad started the night by talking about the headstone plans and the funeral and that he expected everyone to have a cleaned shave and hair cuts. We talked about the plans for what type and color of granite and so on. I started the music on the CD player and got the hymns going. We gathered around her bed, some on the couch and in chairs and others on the floor and started to sing. We sang, "Love at Home, I know my Savior Lives, Home Can Be a Heaven on Earth, Families Can Be Together Forever, I Need Thee Every Hour. I had everyone stand up and we ended with God Be With You Till We Meet Again."

God be with you till we meet again; By his counsels guide, uphold you; With his sheep securely fold you. God be with you till we meet again. God be with you till we meet again; When life’s perils thick confound you, Put his arms unfailing round you. God be with you till we meet again. God be with you till we meet again; Keep love’s banner floating o’er you; Smite death’s threat’ning wave before you. God be with you till we meet again. Till we meet, till we meet, Till we meet at Jesus’ feet. … God be with you till we meet again

She cried when we sang the last song and of course we all choked through it.... Dad had some words of advice for us all. He talked about remembering the feeling we all had as we sang and came together as a family. He talked about moms great example and for her love for all of us. When we have trials and are faced with temptations to remember who we are and that forever families are based on our actions as individuals. WE are responsible for our own salvation and my mom has been a righteous example to our family. He asked her if she would like to add anything and she said, "I just love you all so much!" Afterwards we all kneeled together in family prayer. It was am amazing experience, very spiritual and comforting to her and for all of us as well. Later when I took her to the bathroom she told me she was thankful for the spirit that was here and how much she appreciated us kids. Today she called her sister Doris to say goodbye and she told her, " I was surprised at how good they sang, it was very nice."

The update from the nurse is still the same, any day, its up to God and Mom from here. She has all of the things she wants and is worried about done. Her skin is blotchy off and on and she has sweating and hot flash spells. We are draining 225-250 ml about every 10-12 hours and it has quite a bit of blood in it, dark like cranberry juice which means there is more blood. Cancer and tumors make their own blood supply so it secrete fluid each time you drain. Her fluid output is decreasing each day, which is a sign her kidneys are shutting down. She did eat a lot in the last 24 hours. She keeps craving things. She had watermelon, vanilla pudding, eggs and milk in the last 24 hours. She continues to have a good attitude, a little humor and showing off her popular$100 smile.

Slipping Away

Moms time is getting close. We are having the family out tonight at 7:00 and we are going to try to sing a few of her favorite hymns to her so she can have some reverent time with her loved ones.It is going to be hard and most of us will break down but I think it will be a very spiritual experience and something that will help her let go. It has been hard to see her go down hill so fast. Each day is more trying for her, her body gets weaker and weaker. She has had a very fun loving personality and has joked a lot this last week. She has been breathing pretty good but is having a hard time concentrating and hardly talking. She has been sleeping 80% of the time and is pretty out of it when she awake. She has been wanting to write letters to all her kids and grand kids. I typed the ones she wrote to her kids and she signed them because she was too tired to rewrite them. (This was a few weeks back). She keeps asking about her letters to the grandchildren because she never did get them written. I found a poem today that I really liked and dad suggested that we type it and give it to the grandchildren. I had her sign them and write each of the kids names on top. She had a really hard time. She kept falling asleep between writing love and grandma. Sherri and I took turns helping her move her arm to get the pen in the right spot. She keeps putting off the letter to dad because she wants to be alone and not have him around when she writes it. She got the first line down and got too tired. We will help her finish it later today. We got some really neat up close pictures of her hands so you can see her writing and her wedding ring all shiny.

A while back in my personal scripture reading I found some really cool things and had some great experiences. Proverbs 31:28-29. Her Children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously but thou excellest them all. Psalms 27:14 Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and he will strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord. D&C 101:14,16,29,36-38 And all they who have mourned shall be comforted therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion, for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am god. Wherefore care not for the body neither the life of the body, but care for the soul and for the life of the soul. And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls and ye shall have eternal life. 29) And there shall be no sorrow, because there is no death. D&C 24:8- Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many but endure them for lo, I am with thee even unto the end of thy days.
D&C 58-2-4 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that a keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death ; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven. 3 Ye cannot behold with your natural yes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. 4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.
7.My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; 8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. 9 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

Saturday

Thursday

Sherri and her husband Darin are coming tomorrow to stay with Mom. She is leaving her kids home and her husband will stay until Sunday and then go back home. We have had several Birthdays this week. Shawn's was Sunday, then moms sister Vera, Gracie -(Stevens youngest) today, dads is the 8th, and the oldest grandson Kolby (Monte's) is 20 on the 9th I think.
Mom is getting weaker each day. She spends most of the time resting and doesn't have very much energy to talk. She gets worn out pretty easy. Today she spend most of the time sleeping but was up to the dinner table tonight and was alert for company. No nausea today either! We caught it early and she never did get sick. We are draining her fluid everyday now so she can breath a little easier and not fight it so much. It has been between 250-400 ml each time which is a lot, About 2 liters a week. The hospice nurse doesn't think she will live much longer, maybe a little over a week. It has been quite and emotional roller coaster for all of us. I tend to report on the blog so matter-o-factly because it is too hard to talk about the mushy stuff. All of us kids have tried to spend time with her. It gets hard when you have a family and a job and a life to continue on living. I feel so blessed to be as free as I am and have the ability to spend a lot of time with her. I have been trying to organize all her pictures and get things straightened out so she feels good about leaving her house in order. She had some sisters from the ward come and sing hymns to her today. It was really sweet and I was glad to figure out mom and dads digital camera can video record so I got it on the camera. She really enjoyed it. It was the best part of her day. Last night Brother Macky and Brother Mickelson came to visit and dad the the brethren were able to give mom a blessing. She has good feelings, a good attitude about passing. She has reassured us she is okay to go. Brother Harold Sanders and Bishop Law came to visit mom tonight and gave dad a blessing before they left. I am so thankful for the gospel and the things that it teaches us. It is amazing how much your testimony grows in times like these.

Fish stories

Mom and Dad are back! They got home this morning. Mom had a rough start today and has been sleeping most of the time. She used all her energy over the last 2 days catching fish! She caught the first fish and the biggest! She and Debbie spent most of the day (Monday) inside. Mom slept most and they were able to watch a movie while the boys were out fishing. Around 5:30pm or so they headed down to the Lake. Dad put mom in the boat before they put it in the lake so she wouldn't have to try and get in once it was in the water. They fished a couple hours and headed in around 8:00. Hospice nurse Peggy came out this afternoon. We gave mom a breathing treatment to help her lungs. She is having trouble getting enough air in her lungs today. She is using her oxygen which seems to help her out a little. We asked the nurse to switch her morphine med to a less potent dose. It is a 12 hour release but seems to push out too much for moms little body. The nurse comes back tomorrow and will bring more meds. (Dad sent her home with fish from the lake and veggies from the garden.... we love her!) Moms nausea is better and she is still eating good. She had a peach with cottage cheese and a piece of cheese toast for lunch.

Some friends of Mom and Dads have a cabin up by Lake Jubilee (by Tollgate) and told Dad the other day to feel free and use it any time. Dad has been on mom about eating good so she can have enough energy to go fishing, kind of wishful thinking I thought. With her turn around last week and a little pushing from dad, I guess Sunday night they decided to go. I haven't heard from dad today so I don't know if they actually fished or not but they left last night to head up there. They invited long time friends Larry and Debbie Zunker to go along as well. Hopefully, mom was able to out fish dad one last time. They kind of have a ongoing fish war, she always out fishes him and he is always teasing her. Stay Tuned! More Fish Story updates coming soon.

Life in July

All the above pictures are from the month of July. They aren't in any particular order, just kind of Random. I have been trying to get pictures when friends or family comes to visit whether mom likes it or not. She finally got rid of having to wear her wig for every picture. The first set of pictures is mom and dad with their friends Monte Cre and Fab Bennett. On the 30th her sisters Doris and Vera came to help around the house, the next picture is of the 3 of them. The one where mom is eating pistachio putting has a story behind it. She has been really struggling with nausea. Some days she can hardly pick her head up and most of the time is really sick to her stomach. Tuesday the 29th, our Hospice nurse Peggy came and we figured a new concoction for pain and nausea management. By the evening she had an appetite and was giving orders for what she would like to eat. Usually its only a few bites of soup or crackers here and there. She wanted jello and pistachio pudding. We were so happy to see her up and around and at the dinner table with us eating I just had to capture the moment. We had a hospital bed delivered on Monday so there are a few pictures of her with friends visiting. The quilt picture has a story as well. Mom has made all of us kids a quilt for one occasion or another; wedding, Christmas etc. Dad doesn't have one!! Soooo... when mom found out she was sick she decided to try and make one when she felt up to it. Off and on during her chemo treatments she would work on this quilt. Dad didn't really know it was for him and wasn't really too crazy about the material. She picked his brain about colors and the pattern. He liked the other star quilt she had made and didn't want anything flowery. The picture with her sewing was taken as she was putting the last row of hand stitches on the binding after she had gotten the quilt quilted. After putting it on the bed all finished guess what? Dad changed his mind. He likes the quilt. The picture with Kent and Jessica and mom and dad are from Tuesday night, they brought out a yummy dinner. Steak and fresh green beans with bacon and salad and fresh picked raspberries over ice cream. I had made zucchini bread so we got pretty spoiled. That was the night mom felt really good, so she came up to the dinner table and had salad, a bite of steak, a little bread and some ice cream. It was a miracle. She has eaten more in the last 2 days than she has in 2 weeks! The hospice nurse says according to her observation of mom she thinks she will live about a month.. That was on Tuesday afternoon. Monday dad and I thought maybe 2 weeks because of how sick she was and she wasn't eating much so we will have to keep taking one day at a time. This morning she was doing pretty well, no vomiting and was able to eat some cereal. Hopefully we can keep her nausea down and keep her appetite up. We are still draining fluid out of her left lung every 25-36 hours and it has been anywhere from 250ml to 475ml each time.

If you have questions or want to arrange time to come visit or anything feel free to call me. I am out at the house most of the time. Melanie-308-5561.

The end of a hard month

The month of July is coming to an end. It has been a rough one with a lot of emotions and hard days. At this months visit with Dr. Weeks, it was confirmed that the cancer is back and is worse. Her cancer marker went from somewhere in the low 2,000 to 19,000. The fluid in the left lung is back and is accumulating faster and there is also more involvement than previously in the right lung. She also has some cancer in her vertebrae, some in the upper, middle and lower back. She is mostly having problems with breathing deep and nausea and some moderate back pain. It is more like uneasy or restlessness than anything. She has medicine that is suppose to help her appetite which has not been very good, (the meds or the appetite). Her pain is tolerable but most days she spends deciding whether to sit up or lay back down. We had a family meeting a couple of weeks ago while Sherri was here so all the kids could be involved. We talked about the latest news and talked about moms wishes, her living will and so on. We have decided on funeral arrangements to ease the burden and stress later which has really helped lighten the load. Mom had a consultation with Hospice today. They had a nurse and a social worker come to the house and we have decided to turn her care over to them. They will help with pain management and keeping her comfortable as well as be available 24 hours a day if we need anything. She wont have to go to the Doctors office anymore or pick up prescriptions. They do everything for you through the direction of your doctor. All the supplies, medicines and so on are covered by the insurance and she will have an assigned nurse to assist her with any needs at anytime. When the time comes, they will provide a hospital bed and anything else she might need. She is excited that she doesn't have to go any where or make appointments anymore. She has been having trouble keeping food down and feeling up to eating. We are draining her lung at home every other day or so. Dad does it most of the time. She has a permanent tube in her left side that is used to drain out the fluid, they did the procedure so she could do it has needed instead of waiting a week and then going into the hospital to get it drained. It doesn't hurt her too bad, it is just a pain and the kits are expensive. They send the kits to the house and they are all ready to go so you can drain yourself at home. We have been getting quite a bit of fluid out each week, around 2 liters.
She has been getting a lot of visitors and phone calls, which keeps her busy. I gave her a massage the other day which helps her back feel better for a little while, but mostly she sleeps and visits. If you are planning a visit, just call before you come. She has her good days and bad days of course but she loves to know you care. If you have questions or want to see her but don't know what to do, give me a call and I will help you out. 308-5561 is my cell, and I always have it on me. Thanks for all your prayers! We appreciate everyone's support.

New Update

Mom has been having some problems breathing again and feeling very fatigued. The fluid in her lungs has been building up again so she saw Dr. Vaz last Friday and they drained it off. They also did a CT scan and the tumor is growing again and the fluid is building up. He said he thought the cancer was in her sternum and in some of the vertebrae in her back. We haven't got an actual report read by the radiologist yet and mom wants to wait to talk to Dr. Weeks but doesn't have an appointment until the 10th of July. At this point she does not want to do any more chemo but wants to see what the Dr. thinks first. Keep us in your prayers and hope for the best please.

Recuperating

It's been six weeks since surgery. It has been a struggle but I'm starting to see a glimmer of light. I am struggling with a weak body but a willing mind. Bob took me fishing up to Watson Lake and he took good care of me and let me catch most of the fish. It was enjoyable to get away. I cleaned out the camper so now am ready to go somewhere! I am fatigued and it will take about a year to gain my strength. It can be very discouraging at times. However, am trying to make the most of the time I have and I do like to keep busy. I have been doing alot of reading. Now I am reading " The Kingdom and the Crown" and am on volume two.

I have a monthly Doctor appointment and they will moniter the cancer "markers". I'm afraid that the cancer will come back, but I'm taking my "vet" cure medicine faithfully; so trying to stay optimistic.

Thank you to all of my family and friends for your wonderful support. I loved the surprise birthday party in March. What a great turn out. It certainly helped to know how many friends and family I have. I appreciate your cards, calls and e-mails and the many prayers in my behalf. The PET scan showed the cancer in remission for now so I have been blessed. Thank you. I love you all

Happy Mothers Day Mom

Speed Bumps to Recovery

Well, I guess we aren't getting a break as soon as we thought. Thursday night mom started to have abdominal pain. Friday morning and all day she was having both nausea and pain and throwing up. She couldn't keep anything down and the pain continuted to get worse. Dad to her to the ER at Kadlec Medical Center and they treated her with pain meds through and IV and took her down to x-ray. Xray didn't show any signs of ulcers or problems, and the recent PET scan she had was on file but no red flags were there apparently. Her pain was about a 10 going in and they sent her home with about a 2-3. She had a little beef broth for dinner and that was it. Saturday morning was a replay of Friday. Vommiting and severe nausea and pain. I coached her through breathing and tried to get some nausea and pain meds down and wouldn't let her throw them up. After about 3 hours of that we were both exasted and mom gave up. I drove her back to Kadlec and they put her back to ER immediately. This time they did an ultrasound first then a CT scan of the lower abdomen. The ultrasound was insignificant but the CT showed a obstruction in the bowel. She has had 3 previous hernia surgeries in the lower right side, one in 1968 and the other 2 in 2001 that never really did get resolved. Apparently a piece of the small intestine had gotten incarcinated and was causing an obstruction. Obstructions are not good and can become dangerous pretty fast if not treated. As they were prepping the O.R. a trauma case came in so they pushed surgery back a little more. We planned on going in around 10:00 PM Sat night and it ended up being 11:40 before they took her to prep the anestesia. She usually has problems with nausea from the anestesia but they gave her a spinal so she wouldn't have problems and compromise her lungs or heart (given her cancer history). She came out of surgery coherent and awake. She is having some pain but they are treating her with a self-serve dose botton and she has been resting on and off all day. They didn't have to cut any intestine out which was good. Dr. Kincaid (the surgeon) said he could see the stiches from the previous operations and they left one little section open where the intestine was getting into. Kind of like a little pocket, it had gotten stuck in it but couldn't get out. She was able to get up today and go to the bathroom, brush her teeth and walk by herself. The nurse took her cathader out and the tube out of her tummy so she feels more normal now. If she can get her bowels working they will let her eat tomorrow. She is so strong and brave. I am proud of her. I can't believe she can be so strong. I am a wuss, I got tired just coaching her through not throwing up and the pain.... Melanie:"Breath mom Breath, in your nose out your mouth, you can do this, you are strong, you will do this, you are strong, let me her you say you can do this. It is important for you to tell yourself you can do this. Out loud, tell me you can do this." Mom, "I am strong, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this." She did that for three hours without meds before we finally went to the ER. The previous night, they told us to come back if the pain got worse and/if she had a fever and told her it was probably just a virus of some sort.

BREAK TIME

Mom had a post chemo follow up appointment with Dr.Weeks (Oncologist) yesterday. She is doing well, all her blood work looks good. She is a little on the anemic side but better than usual and nothing to worry about. Her tumor markers have both gone down. We are not really sure what they mean or what they track besides the identity or metabolism of the cancer itself. Before chemo one was 198 and has moved down to 19.3. (last round it was 25). The other was around 1200 last time and is down about 300 points or so in the 1000's. She has a PET scan scheduled this Thursday and we will be able to find out more with that. Here is some information on PET scans if you don't understand:
A PET scan measures important body functions, such as blood flow, oxygen use, and sugar (glucose) metabolism, to help doctors evaluate how well organs and tissues are functioning.

What are some common uses of the procedure?
PET scans are performed to:
detect cancer
determine how much a cancer has spread in the body
assess the effectiveness of a treatment plan, such as cancer therapy
determine if a cancer has returned after treatment
determine blood flow to the heart muscle
determine the effects of a heart attack, or myocardial infarction, on areas of the heart
identify areas of the heart muscle that would benefit from a procedure such as angioplasty or coronary artery bypass surgery (in combination with a myocardial perfusion scan).
evaluate brain abnormalities, such as tumors, memory disorders and seizures and other central nervous system disorders
to map normal human brain and heart function

The plan is to have about 6 months off of chemo to help mom build up her system and get strong again and wait to see what the PET Scan shows us. They will continue to do lab work each month to watch her blood and marker levels and she will have to have her port flushed along the way. She is hoping to have a great summer and be able to get out in the garden and do some more outside. FISHING OF COURSE. Last week she made cinnamon rolls, went to the gym and did a little exercise and yesterday she washed the windows outside the house. CONGRATULATIONS MOM, YOU'RE BACK!

Round 6

Well.... another round to go. Mom has Chemo Round 6 on Thursday. She had an appointment with Dr. Weeks this week and everthing looks okay as far as blood work goes. After this round they are going to try and get a PET scan if the insurance will approve it. The PET scan will give us a better idea of what to expect for further treatment. Mom has been doing really well, her energy is better as well as her attitude. I am sure the spring weather helps. Isn't sunshine just great? I love it. I had a chance to go out to the house the other day and we were able to go for a walk, plant some pansies in the front of the house and weed the flower garden. Mom had lunch outside and really enjoyed herself.

I LOVE SPRING!!!!!

Watch the surprise

Go HERE to see the surprise at the surprise party!

Happy Momma

Mom has been doing really good this last week. Her attitude is much better and she seems to be having more spunk and energy. She told me not to tell anyone but this morning she was craving homemade chicken soup so she made it for dinner with homemade noodles! Then she went to town by herself to get material for her quilt that she has been making and then to the grocery store. Yesterday she made cinnamon rolls too! She took her last Etoposide last night and is scheduled for chemo round 6 next Thursday. She is still talking about her birthday party and happy that so many people came and sent cards. I really think it has helped her attitude. She was pretty down there for awhile but watch out..... She is back!

Birthday Party Pics

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM

Mom had her 62nd yesterday! YAHOO!!!!! Happy Birthday Mom. After many lies and hours, we were able to pull a surprise on my mom. For her Birthday, the girls and I organized a surprise Birthday Bash at the church for her on Saturday. We decided to do it a couple weeks ago and didn't have much time to work with. The picture I used for the invitation wasn't a great one but she doesn't have that many pictures and its pretty hard to steal stuff from a woman that is on top of things like my mom. She had no clue, not even an incline that we were having a party and definitely not one as big as we did. Prior to the party, I made up a big fat lie that I needed to use some of moms quilts for a church quilting party we were having and she happily gave me all her quilts to use. I had all the rest of the family that had quilts from mom bring theirs so it was like we had our own little quilt show. On top of that, her brothers and sisters from out of town were in on the party and came up to see her. We had them go out to the house earlier in the day to throw everything off. She had an idea that they might come earlier in the month but never heard back. However, she felt so good, she decided to go to the quilt show out at the track and was gone when her family showed up to surprise her. Dad worked his magic and got her back home to enjoy the afternoon with her brothers and sisters. She thought she and dad were going to the Bonefish for dinner at 6:45 so she didn't think anything of it when her family had to leave to go back to Milton Freewater. Instead they headed for the church to the party. Sherri called during the day(supposedly from Boise) to throw mom off, and of course that worked. On the way to dinner, dad had one of moms brothers call his cell phone and pretend he was someone from church needing something from dad and that he wanted him to come by the church. Dad stopped by the church to "drop something off," and came back out to the car to talk mom into coming in to see some neat decorations they had inside. Naturally, she pulled the classic, "BOB, I DON'T WANT TO GET OUT OF THE CAR, WHY ARE WE PARKED CLEAR OVER HERE, I DON'T WANT TO WALK, I DON'T CARE TO SEE DECORATIONS, COME ON"..... and so on." They pulled in on the side of the building they never park on but she came in anyway. She walked in to about 150+ people singing Happy Birthday and starting crying. It was awesome! The first thing she said was, " I want to know where this Bonefish place is!" It was hilarious, she kept talking about how bad she wanted to go to Bonefish for halibut.
She was able to visit a while with people, but didn't get to see everyone one on one, as there were so many there. We had a little program, the grand kids sang a Hawaiian song lead my her granddaughter Kelsie Carver. Lisa Killian, Connie Schmidt, Becka Smith, and Tracy Taylor sang one of mom's favorite songs, The Wind Beneath My Wings. Sherri, Kim and I said a few words and we left the microphone open for people to share some stories. She was up in the front by the mic and kept making comments about people's stories. "You guys are lying," or "I don't remember that!" "Did I do that?"
I went out to the house yesterday to see mom and she had a stack of about 50 cards and a few presents to get through. She was pretty tired from the party the night before but she was really happy. It really lifted her spirits and she felt special that so many old friends came to support her. She said that the party was the biggest thing she has ever had done for her. It was awesome because she was smiling so much and she told me that it was just what she needed. She has had a really hard month emotionally and sometimes forgets how much she is loved and how strong she is.
Thanks to all who helped and to everyone who came and supported her. We also appreciate all those who pray on her behalf. It is hard to know what to to or what to say when you have a friend or a loved one ill or having a rough time. I know she likes to get cards and e-mails so if you would like to send a personal note to mom here is the information.
E-mail: chriskcarver@charter.net
Chris Carver
216704 E. Game Farm Rd
Kennewick Wa 99337

I will post more pictures as I get them in. If you see a picture you would like, e-mail me and I will sent it to you. stoneworksmassage@yahoo.com
Thanks- Melanie

Good news!

Mom called after her appointment with her Doctor . She said that the number having to do with some type of cancer marker is 23. She used words like antigens and CEA too. All I know is that the number was 198 when she started and the fact that its now 23 is WONDERFUL. Yea! She will be doing 2 more rounds starting this Friday. After the next 2 rounds the plan is to have a PET scan and then take a nice break from Chemo.
Thanks for all your love and concern and your prayers in my mom's behalf.

Kim

Time Out For Women

Sorry for slacking on updates everybody! Life sure does get busy doesn't it?

Last weekend mom had the opportunity to go to TIME OUT FOR WOMEN up in Spokane with Sherri, Kim and I. We had a blast. We were glad mom was able to make it through the weekend. The event usually starts on Friday night and goes all day Saturday. However, this year they had special tickets for the first 400 women to meet in a more intimate group Friday morning to hear from Sheri Dew, Virginia Hinckley Pearce & Wendy Watson Nelson. It was amazing, we cried and laughed and snuggled together. All the things we miss doing with mom..... even though we are all married and grown up now, there is nothing like snuggling and getting a head rub from mom! Hillary Weeks presented on Saturday and performed a few songs as well as a group called Mercy River sang. One of my favorite talks was by Mary Ellen Edmunds. Mom laughed really hard when she spoke. She is a real funny lady and was talking about being a peacemaker. She said sometimes you have to bite your lip and it is really hard to be a peacemaker, sometimes it's so hard you need a PACEmaker. Mom got a kick out of that.

Sherri was here for a week and got to spend some time with mom. She is working on a quilt for her little girl Chelsea and mom could hardly stand to let it sit there. It was done before Sherri left. Kent turned 25 last week so the family got together at Granny's for dinner. We had a good time, everyone of the kids came but Steven who was at school.

As far as updates on moms progress. She is done with her last round of chemo for now. She has gotten through 4, although as a family we would like to see her do 2 more at least. She is having a really hard time believing in herself. She doesn't want to go through two more but we will see. She is thinking about it. She had a CT Scan yesterday (March 17th) and we will have the results back in a few days. I have seen the first CT and this one compared to the first is a whole lot better. The doctors say they can't hear fluid in her lungs anymore and the tumor looks as though it has shrunk. How much? We are not sure. We will find out more hopefully this week. She is also going to Dr. Kristopher Peterson over in Hermiston who is treating her immune system and doing some herbal treatment. She continues to drink her magic tea and eat Dad's cancer concoction so hopefully it is all doing some good.

Take the challenge. Be thankful for your Health!

I’ve been talking to mom more often through this last round of Chemo. Let me just say that- CHEMO IS NASTY STUFF. There is a reason it kills cancer cells! I’m sure that you many of you know this but watching it first hand is difficult. Ever since I can remember my mom has always been a gal going and doing. Baking, serving, cleaning, lovin’! I don’t remember her being much of a TV watcher or just seeing her sitting around. She always had good health while I was growing up. There were a couple of things that sent her to the hospital but for the most part she was always there to take care of us.

I check in everyday and ask how she’s doing. She tells me its hard to explain. She says, “I I just feeeeel…. vulnerable and I don’t have an oomph”. Despite the fact that she feels like laying on the couch all day, she is still trying to go and do. She finished up my Recipe Book of Carver recipes. She organized her dresser today and plans to organize her hallway closet. She’s been reading the “Rumors of War” series, and was in the middle of reading the Sunday school lesson for next week when I called. What a trooper. What an example. With how sick she is, she is still going.

On a personal note- I’ve been struggling to get my exercise in for the day and as always I’m feeling the effect of my decisions to go another day without moving my body. While talking to my mom today she said, “BE THANKFUL FOR YOUR HEALTH.” I don’t think I’m really thankful for it. I seem to take it for granted. If I were thankful I think I would push myself and realize what I have while I’ve got it. Thanks mom. I’m going to get up early tomorrow morning and exercise, drink lots of water all day, and eat my fruit and veges!!! Take the challenge!!!! Do something to show you’re thankful while you can. I never imagined this happening to my mom but it did and even though she doesn’t have as many chances to mother me she keeps teaching with her beautiful example. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!

Last Round!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!! Today mom did her last scheduled round of Chemo at Kadlec. Everything went good and she is set to go in and get her port flushed about once month to avoid blood clots. After this round is done, they will also re-scan everything to make the second part of the game plan Sherri, Kim, Mom and I, all have tickets to go to "Time Out," for women the 14 & 15 of March and are looking forward to getting about getting away for our long over due girls trip. One year, mom drove the old pickup with the camper on the back and we all headed up to Mt. Rainier, just us girls. I think it was the funniest girls trip ever. I can't wait to be with just us girls again. Hopefully mom will feel good that weekend because we are driving up to Spokane and staying over night!

Colonoscopy Findings

The good news is that mom is going to be fine! She has a couple of ulcers in her intestinal tract but they are going to release her and let her go on to do her last chemo on Friday. She should be feeling better since her transfusion and will be home this afternoon. YEAH! THANK GOODNESS FOR PRAYERS AND BLESSINGS!

Blood Clots

Last night mom had some trouble passing some blood clots. She didn't sleep much through the night and had another clot pass this morning. At about 10pm, they called the Oncology office which suggested they go to the ER. They decided to wait and go in this morning instead. She didn't have anymore problems once she got there. Her vitals are all fine and normal. The ER Doc wanted her to have a colonoscopy but her regular gastro doc was out of town so his partner came in to see mom instead. They scheduled her for a 7:30 am colonoscopy and went ahead and admitted her to intermediate care at Kadlec. She had lost about 2 grams of blood since her blood tests she had done on Friday, which was too much. Once she was up in her room, they gave her a blood transfusion and some icky stuff to drink to get her ready for her colonoscopy. Overall, she is good. She doesn't have pain or nausea and was in good spirits today. Dad and I were with her in the morning and then he left and I stayed. Later Kents girlfriend, Jessica came by to visit and stayed the afternoon. Kent came after work and when I left around 7pm Dad, Kim and Steven were on there way. Hopefully everything turns out okay. We will know more about the situation after the colonoscopy.

A little speed bump

Mom forgot to take her nausea medicine and got sick friday morning. She didn't have her best day yesterday and didn't eat much for dinner,one bite, and ended up in the bathroom. Sooooo. not so great. But, I am going to the store today to get her some healthy food and get some snacks lined up for the rest of the week in storage containers so she can have little things to eat through out the day. She needs to be eating little 100 calories snacks to sustain her energy and keep a balanced level through the day so she isn't up and down. It's hard to eat when you don't feel like eating anything but I will see what I can do. Hopefully we can troubleshoot the problem. Thanks for all the prayers!

MAGIC TEA & LOADS OF ENERGY

I talked to mom the last few days and things have been average but TODAY....... WHAT A TROOPER. She got so much done. She said she made herself spaghetti for lunch and "It tasted really good Mel," she says. Then she made pork chops with some gravy and homeade biscuits for Kent and Dad. She said yesterday she vacuumed! That is progress... she usually makes dad do it. She also said she was up all day, she didn't lay around and got a good nights sleep. She isn't sure what to attribute it all to but she sure has had a good day. She was in the mood to make black bottom cupcakes and wanted to suprise dad. She was going to try and mix them up tonight then tomorrow when he goes to the gym she was going to make them up and take them down to Mike at the gym. She says..."It would be so cool to show up with a big smile and say, I know I haven't been able to come down and see ya but I haven't forgotten you." She always sends leftovers down to the owner of the gym to spoil him. She said she feels like she could walk around a little and wanted to suprise dad by showing up in her own car. Hopefully she will feel up to it. If not, the thought is great in itself. She is so positive and it is good to see her talking about those types of things! She is doing a little hand stitching on a project she has had for a while and has a girlfriend coming over tomorrow to quilt. Her friend Lawana has a quilt she wants to work on so mom is going to help her with that. Sherri and her family will be here next week to visit so that should be fun. Mom and dad are wanting to plan a trip for the spring. Maybe up to McCall Idaho or somewhere around there, they are not sure yet. I think those are all the important updates. Oh and she weighs 120 lbs!!!!!! She is still drinking her herbal tea 2-3x a day! Monday when I talked to her she said this round of chemo seems to be the easiest on her body so far. Her bottom is a little better and her mouth isn't as sore!

CHEMO ROUND #3

Chemo round 3 started today. Moms white blood count is down below what they would like to see it but since everything else is good they are going to go ahead with another round. She is not quite sure about this one. She is really weak and sick and tired of being sick of tired I guess. That is understandable, I can't even imagine. I spent the afternoon with her yesterday and you wouldn't even be able to tell she was miserable because she is always joking and laughing about something. I wish I could be as optimistic as she is. She just deals with the cards that have been dealt... she has always been good about that. Chemo went well today. One of the chemo drugs she has was reduced a little and she is becoming a pro at the whole process. She said she took a nap and worked on a puzzle. After this round we will re-evaluate the treatment and make a decision on what to do next. Mom and dads friends Marsha & Mike Beacham (I probably spelled the wrong) have some kind of herbal tea that is suppose to be really good for cancer patients. She was going to go out to the house tonight to bring them some and educate them about it. Mom was pretty excited. She was also happy to report she got some CUTE HATS ON SALE in arizona and couldn't wait to show them to me when I was there yesterday.

Home and Safe

Mom and Dad flew into Spokane yesterday and were able to get home safe and sound. Once in Tri-Cities, they battled the snow around town to get some Prescriptions filled and moms blood work done for chemo Wednesday. I talked to her last night and she was doing good. She took a hot bath because she, "Just can't get warm!" She is funny, she takes a bath about 3-4 times a day. She is cold, dad is hot the thermostat is up & down, up & down. It is pretty funny to be there during one of dads hot flashes and moms tub dashes! We love you mom! Glad you are home!

HAPPY DAY ! A phone call and GOOD news!

Mom got a phone call today, while she's being wheeled around in a wheel chair having a ball. Dr. Weeks called to inform her of the CT scan results. Her lungs look much better and the tumor has shrunk. Yea!!!! She doesn't know specifics- like how much the tumor shrunk and more detailed info on the fluid but nonetheless, we are all smiles. She was impressed that they called her to fill her in. Mel's gonna try to get her hands on some pics of their trip. I'm sure she'll post them as soon as she gets them.

I've received several compliments on this blog. Thank you all for the love and concern that makes this blog useful. I'm so happy that so many of you enjoy reading and keeping up with everything. May God Bless all who's prayers and hearts have been with my mom.